tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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