There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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