My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
