Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
