Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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