You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
