are you still at the devil's house?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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