i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Randomize
