i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
