it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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