did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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