He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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