I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
