Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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