And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's great music for shaving your balls
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
