At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
