is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
