Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
