You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
