Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
