Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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