I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
