she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
