Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
