So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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