dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
