Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
