Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
