I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
