It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
