Don't you send me to vm
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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