he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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