glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
