why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
