please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
