I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
