Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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