What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this just has baby written all over it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
