I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
