I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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