Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
