I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
