I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need help removing her.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
