I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
