i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
