I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
