The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
