Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
