You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
