I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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