"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
