I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
